Certainty should have started here…

by Aishah Taliep

Transferring from another university, everything seemed a little scarier, everything was unfamiliar, and everything was new. But this was supposed to be a new beginning, where the road towards the rest of my life should have begun. Having faced numerous disappointments after high-school, being rejected from what I initially wanted to pursue and falling into a degree I knew nothing about, leaving me uncertain of where I would be going and what I would be doing, this year should have been the year where I do what I want and learn what interests me, and in a broader sense it indeed was.

I was nervous, but I was excited too. The first weeks came and brought with it a massive wave of anxiety and uncertainty. I was not on the same level as my peers. The work they were teaching was unfamiliar and everyone seemed to understand while I just slipped further and further into a black hole. I cried every week for the first month, I didn’t think I could handle this, maybe this time I would fail. Despite how I felt I pushed, I put in the hours I tried my best to understand, and I completed whatever was given to me. It wasn’t so bad after all and these few months taught me much, now I can do those things which scared me because I did not understand. Now I understand and now I can enjoy what interests me. My favorite time was that spent in the lab, being there made everything feel more realistic and learning things in the lab was easier to understand. Whether it was simply balancing Eppendorf tubes properly in the centrifuge or using the micropipette, anything I could do made me happy.

The exams were approaching, I was very scared, so I studied a lot and while preparing I realized that this is truly what I enjoy. Microbes and the human body working in its complex ways is extremely interesting to me. I still have fears and uncertainty, I wonder about what I will be doing next year, will I be accepted for masters, will I be accepted for an internship… what should I do? Will I still be studying aimlessly, uncertain of where my future is going, where I would find a job and when that would happen. My consolation is that right now, all I can do is what I’ve been doing all this time, work hard and try my best and trust that eventually everything will fall into place.

Because the reality is that we don’t need to have it all figured out. We don’t need to know where we are going to be in five years, we can plan and try our best, and sometimes things will not go according to plan, but that’s your destiny and something better is waiting for you, something which you love and something which you will enjoy. That’s what I have learnt from life.

~ An uncertain honors student

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