By Jodie Glenn
I knew going into this that honours would be a transition from my undergraduate studies but I wasn’t quite prepared for the “out of my depth” feeling that would plague my honours journey. I’ve always felt very self-assured when it comes to academics. This year was truly the first time where I have felt as though I might not be intelligent enough to understand the work and do what’s required of me. I guess that is what comes with the territory of being in a boundary-pushing academic environment. I have to remind myself often of all the nights I stayed up begging any higher power listening to help me get into my dream honours programme.
The progression from the theoretical component of honours to focusing on my research project has proved to be yet another overwhelming shift. I feel very responsible for propelling my project forward and that is both exciting and daunting. I feel constantly behind even with a very detailed and “padded” timeline. When I step back and view the situation more objectively, I can see that this “in over my head feeling” will benefit me someday. I know from my current limited life experience alone that change helps me grow into a more well-equipped version of myself but it’s still difficult and I won’t sugarcoat that.
What has helped me to manage these feelings is the genuine familial environment within my medical science stream. At the orientation, a few honours students from another stream joined ours while waiting for their convenor; they were told to join us because we were “the kindest”. I can’t speak to the experiences of being in the other streams but it is absolutely true that the people in my stream show kindness readily and often. Everyone ,from convenors, laboratory employees, the HOD, the senior lecturers to more established postgraduate students, has time and patience for the “lost-looking” honours students. The supervisors seem to genuinely care about their students as they engage with their interests outside of the work and encourage taking time for breaks.
When I think about my future in medical science I know there is genuine interest there but I also know to be successful in this field, I need to trust my own abilities instead of constantly comparing myself to others and measuring myself against perfectionistic standards.
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