Health Science Reviews

By Thato Makena

When I first arrived at UCT, I felt like I had stepped into shoes that were too big for my feet. I had a very intense perception of UCT, and I somewhat had an inferiority complex towards the people around me. In essence, my imposter syndrome made me feel like my presence at UCT was a mistake, like they had accepted me by mistake.

The very first bioinformatics assignment that was given to me was something I did not expect. We were required to edit some code and change the graphics of a certain game. I came from a biological background with absolutely no coding experience, and so I felt like we were being thrown into the deep end until I realised that the very same people I had done my undergrad with were making progress with the assignment, and so I thought, hmm? I am the problem. Am I the dumb one? Did I overestimate my abilities by applying for this degree? But it was already too late, the fees were paid, and the accommodation contracts were signed.

After a conversation with a fellow classmate, I realised that I was not the only person feeling this way, matter of fact, the majority of the class felt the same way, but everyone was just putting on a brave face. Through that conversation, I realised that a defeatist mindset was not going to get me anywhere and that I needed to change my attitude towards the challenges I was facing. That meant being vocal and asking questions when I felt lost, speaking to my lecturers, and sharing my notes so that others could share with me. Active participation and not trying to tackle things alone, that is what changed the game for me.
As time went on, everything started to make sense. I finally started to understand what honours were about. It was not about the content and the marks; it was about understanding complex concepts and gaining non-tangible skills. Our main lecturer would never give us due dates, and it just felt wrong, but at some point, I realised that he did that so that we would feel no pressure, so that we would learn to manage our own work in our own time, so that we could apply the many skills and concepts that we would learn in the different modules to the complex assignments he would give us.

Everything just started to make sense the second I stopped trying so hard to be perfect. When I allowed myself to be confused, when I allowed myself to be embarrassed, when I allowed myself to reach out to strangers for help, when I texted people/group chats first. Now I feel confident, I feel like I belong, I feel like there is a reason why UCT saw my average marks and still decided to take me in. I no longer feel inferior, and I no longer feel like I was accepted by mistake. Instead, I feel proud, and I feel lucky to be here.

Yes, I’ve learnt a lot of new science stuff, but I also learnt a lot about myself, and I feel like most of the positive changes have been internal. I cannot wait to reflect on my growth at the end of this course.