Health Science Reviews

by Phahlamohlaka Mokgohlwer Cynthia

Feels like a dream to say the worst is over, even though it didn’t make sense from the beginning. During the registration period I was skeptical about registering especially because I did not get a bursary or have any source of funds for my fees. One morning I woke up and said to my family, I am registering and everything will work out while busy with the course. Unfortunately, I expected a smooth journey because I never had the experience of being a non- funded student. My Arrival in Cape Town felt like a dream come true. For a moment, I was very happy to be a student at the top university all the way from Limpopo. A time came when all those great days vanished, I was then in misery. The semester started well, until I received the first fee statement, and got the shock of my life. Each day became horrible, buried in my thoughts every chance I got. Stressed about how I will pay the fees. I felt a sense of not belonging, not enough, and being in the wrong place. I regretted every second and I wanted to deregister and go back home, I felt swallowed by the city, it became very small daily. I did not have anyone close to talk to or have the courage to ask for help. Everyone was minding their own business and I felt helpless. Being a loner was normal and I isolated myself because I felt judged and thought everyone had it all figured out (it was all in my mind). Every night I would cry myself to sleep and ask myself, the same question, which was a reality (What did I get myself into?). Dragged myself to classes, not knowing what tomorrow holds. Things took a turn the day I went through the 2022 reflective pieces, which brought peace for a short time. As students, we are mostly in the same boat, but that is never written on our foreheads. I tried to engage with people randomly and their testimonies sounded like miracles to me, but hope was built within. I shared my story with some guy, and I was not convinced when he said, “I was once in the same situation, and by the end of the year my fees were paid out”. Another lady shared with me that she is in debt and still struggling to pay the institution. She advised me to be in contact with my convenor and to start a Backabuddy campaign to raise funds ASAP, I took her advice. I did all that, though dragging my feet and postponing multiple times because I lost hope. A few months later the department showed up for me, they helped settle my fees; with donations and university food parcels, I did survive, and I still do. I started to have a different perspective on life and believed that there are people willing to help. I thought that was the worst, I was broken into many pieces, shuttered, and embarrassed during my 1st presentation ever being a student. I lost everything that defined me as a person. I grieved upon it and spoke about it. I was told that the first presentations are never the best. God broke me, rebuilt, restored, and made room to love and appreciate, forgive, and be kind to myself and others.

I learned that there is no such thing as the worst mistake of life, as I cannot trade anything in place of God’s purpose upon my life. I am forever grateful and very proud; it was all worth it.